Si ([info]notnotabouthim) wrote,
@ 2007-05-22 20:49:00
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Love vs Like
Since I've been tapping (using EFT) daily for the last year or so, I've covered a LOT of ground.

Of course, I've covered do I love myself, it was one of the first things I approached. Try looking yourself in the eyes in a mirror, and saying "I love you" and see if you blink. It can be quite enlightening (was for me).

Additionally, of course, "Even though [X], I deeply and completely love and accept/forgive myself" is part of the standard EFT setup, so I've probably said that phrase well over 10,000 times (the setup I typically do 3 times, and I've cleared 5-20 things a day every day for a year; you do the math).

However, all that said, I suddenly realised today - I don't particularly like myself.

Holy crap!!! How could I miss something so obvious? *slaps forehead* I am, unsurprisingly, flabbergasted.

Luckily this is exactly the kind of thing that tapping will make short shrift of. Additionally, I've recently discovered an excellent way of covering an enormous amount of ground in exactly this sort of situation (more on that here). So by tomorrow all this will be gone too. Phew.

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ummm...?
[info]keptinacan
2007-05-22 06:22 pm UTC (link)
What the fuck dude..?

You have been doing stuff for a year... and you are not even someone that you like yet?

I really think it time that you re-evaluate what your doing.

How about

"despite x a am fuck off amazing"

To say that you forgive yourself is to admit and accept a failing... not good in my book.

I myself am a conflict person. Upfront, in your face, confrontational and challenging... this is something I know about myself... but I do not forgive myself for. It simply an aspect of who I am, no need for remorse. It is just very good for me to know this so that I can put myself in situations where I thrive and excel...

Accept yourself Dude... you rock.

Stop forgiving yourself for shit that is not wrong.

(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: ummm...?
[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-23 01:26 am UTC (link)
a) the "like" thing, I'm talking at a very, very deep level - although that's 99% sorted now anyway :) obviously I'm happy with where I am a lot more than I did, say, a year ago, regardless.

b) everybody makes mistakes. forgiveness is critically important for working through those mistakes and moving on

c) accepting yourself, yep, that's important too

d) you only change things about yourself that you want to. Which means you only ever forgive/accept/like/love things about yourself that you (or I) want to. eg, if you want to be a conflict person, no-one is telling you not to be :). ie, I'm only ever forgiving myself for shit that is wrong :)

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Re: ummm...?
[info]keptinacan
2007-05-23 09:12 am UTC (link)
Okay... I think it is more a case of definition... when it comes to the word "forgive"

... and my take on the word has strong roots in.... dare I say it..? Christian principles.

Basally Adam and Miss Eve strutted about the garden of Eden doing all manor of nasty things... but they were Innocent through their ignorance and did not require forgiveness as they did not know the difference between sin and a holi act.... Then they ate those guava's (yes in my Eden they are guavas... the bible only says "fruit" and all that fuss over an apple would be bollocks)
...so they eat guava and suddenly know the difference between right and not so right... and they carry on just as they had prior the consumption of guava... only ...now... any time they do something wrong... they know it is wrong and intentionally do evil... and are in need of forgiveness.

I would say that forgiveness only be required when one realises that one has weighed up the options and intentionally set aside ones own values for the sake of a temptation.

For example... today I did not hit my boss.
Yes this was an act of will.
Yes it was an active decision.
Yes it was my own selfish gains that prevented me from hitting him, very hard a lot of times.
Isn't that a merky pool...

..I feel a little guilty that I did not hit the man...

...I feel no need to ponder this very much... for there is little to gain.

All I can do is see to it that I do not let him direct events to that end again.... for my own sake, more than his.

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Re: ummm...?
[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-23 09:18 am UTC (link)
I think you're confusing:

1. needing forgiveness from a higher being (skybeard)
2. forgiving yourself

Forgiving yourself is a way of saying "ok, I screwed up, but I choose to NO LONGER beat myself up about it" (however 'beat yourself up' translates - for different people this manifests differently. guilt is one way.).

I agree that -requiring- forgiveness is a whole different ball of wax. I don't buy into that shit either :) (well, not any more, I've done my time in the christian church, thanks)

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Re: ummm...?
[info]keptinacan
2007-05-23 06:20 pm UTC (link)
No... that's just it...

A mistake need not be forgiven.

If I was to flip a coin and have you say "heads" or "tails" ... would you need to forgive yourself if you got it wrong?

I think the only things that need forgiving is when one deviates from ones own higher values and takes the soft option...

Oh ...and it is good to see the word "flabergasted" in a post.

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Re: ummm...?
[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-24 02:27 am UTC (link)
forget about the word "need", as in "need to be forgiven".

you choose to forgive yourself, where, and ONLY where you want to.

In your case, when you deviate from a higher value. Exactly, that's where I forgive myself too.

Usually when I'm tapping I use "accept" not "forgive", for exactly your reason. What I do do though is forgive those (particularly family members, where the ties are strong) who have done something against me. In those situations I think it's an appropriate word too. It enables me to let go of holding onto any malice, anger, or other negative emotion, towards them. Ie, it helps heal my relationship with that person.

and you're right, "flabbergasted" should definitely make a come back. It's about time.

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Re: ummm...?
[info]keptinacan
2007-05-24 07:41 pm UTC (link)
Yea...

and in a little update to my example... I got an apology from boss yesterday... and I am glad I did not trans-morph the situation into one of conflict.

The "value set" that had me at odds was that:
a) I would never treat anyone like that
and
b) I would loose a lot of respect for them if I was to, and they just took it without saying doing anything.

Hence I had lost respect for myself...

I was thinking I would leave it a week and mention in passing that it had disturbed me... but boss fronted up and apologised... so it's all good now.

I am also hesitant to trust my judgement when I am in the state that I was. ie. tired, wired (on the project) and generally pushing myself to an extreme of performance. (When pushing myself like this I do use anger as an accelerate, to sharpen my mind and clear out a lot of left brain activity... sometimes this spills over)

...just sayin...

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]seanfish
2007-05-23 01:19 am UTC (link)
Oh now that's interesting! The concept "liking myself" has big ties to permission (it's something I'm allowed to do once I've done items a, b, c through various alphabets to omega) for me it seems...

OK thanks now I've got something to work on too, I think I'm like you in that once the question is there the answer is right behind. :D

Look forward to your next one.

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[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-23 01:24 am UTC (link)
awesome, glad I could help.

and yep, you're bang on - like=permission=approval.

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[info]seanfish
2007-05-23 01:37 am UTC (link)
And yet there's a mismatch... ask yourself if you approve of yourself... I get an unhesitating "yes"... which I'm going to use as the path back upriver as it were... ;)

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[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-23 01:44 am UTC (link)
all these concepts do subtly overlap.. which is exactly why it's worth checking all of them.

for example:

you can love someone, and yet not approve of their behaviour.

you can approve of someone's behaviour, but not like them.

you can give someone permission, and yet not like, love OR approve of them.

generally wrt ourselves, we're hovering somewhere at the intersection of all of them :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]butt0ns
2007-05-23 05:49 am UTC (link)
Hmm... I really gotta start reading the NAMES of the people posting, and not just look at the userpic.
I read your above post three times, and all the comments twice, and I have only just now realised that this post wasn't written by Gala. Hehe, oops! :)

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[info]notnotabouthim
2007-05-23 06:34 am UTC (link)
yeah, that chick gets everywhere.

I was gonna just use me (since I quite like the pic), but since lj insists on square icons, I figured I might as well shove her in it too..

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